Sun Kissed Days

Sun Kissed Days

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Forgiveness


I forgave her for lying
and trying to steal my soul.
I forgave her for bringing storms
into my days,
uncertainty in my steps,
and darkness in my hours.
I forgave her,
the sister I never had,
the confidante of secrets.
I brought her in from the rain,
from a past,
embraced her brokenness
unaware of her bite.
She loved me,
betrayed me,
said it was her illness. 
She took my heart,
sliced it open
watched me bleed
as she stood motionless.
I saw her photograph
on the internet,
her eyes haunted,
a scar on her forehead,
a ghost of yesterday.
It was not her words attempting
to crawl back into the place
she ravaged.
It was not her pleading voice
on the answering machine.
I forgave her
to crawl out of the gutter
she placed us in.
I forgave her as I battled
drowning in the outgoing tide.
I forgave her 
to forgive myself.




This poem was inspired by my friend Aidan Donnelley Rowley's new book The Ramblers. One of the protagonist had a mother with bipolar disorder. There was someone close in my life that was bipolar and ended up hurting me while claiming her love. She was family and it was hard. Aidan's book is beautifully written. You can find it here http://ivyleagueinsecurities.com/. It is so many things more than this, and it's about the questions of life and the struggles that we go through only to be end up better and wiser because of the journey. I recommend The Ramblers and I hope you pick up a copy today.

46 comments:

  1. Such emotional writing, left me with a tear.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The last part was the crux for me:

    I forgave her
    to forgive myself.

    This is a good start to heal and begin again - to forgive others ~

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's always inspiring to read your wrok, Ayala. This is no exception. xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wisdom often comes with a price...Hugs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't that the truth! Thanks, Susie.

      Delete
  5. The last two lines are indeed profound - it is far to easy to get trapped in bitterness and let it drag us down

    ReplyDelete
  6. Forgiveness can help us, not always for the other person.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Certainly one of the mysteries of life....and a source of sorrow. Just hard lessons, these events so hard to understand.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I struggled to understand.... And then I had to let it go.

      Delete
  8. The last line is brilliant, Ayala. Loved it. Thanks for this poignant reminder. xo

    ReplyDelete
  9. I can see this kind of people... and while they really can't help it, it hard to help being hurt also... but those last two lines really turned it special.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Bi-polar people can make people they interact with crazy. Sometimes it is best to just walk away if they continue to do hurtful things. Forgive when they are out of your space....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I forgave her but she has no place in my life anymore.

      Delete
  11. This really hit home as I have a sister with bipolar and it is by no means easy. This line in particular spoke to me: "She loved me, / betrayed me, / said it was her illness." I will definitely check out The Ramblers. Sounds like a good book. Peace, Linda

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The book is beautifully penned. Do check it out !

      Delete
  12. Forgiveness is the key it is an illness and difficult for everyone involved.

    ReplyDelete
  13. to anyone ever caught in my undertows

    I said I only hurt myself
    having found forgiveness
    always late to the party
    I wonder aloud by writing
    been bowsprit only
    for so long, that
    I seem always lost now
    looking for the right words
    of a language
    of once ago
    of those caught
    in my wake
    and undertow...
    _____________________

    what a great piece
    cathartic and reactive
    for me, a slow assured
    held eye unfurling honesty
    compelling me to know
    we begin to forgive ourselves
    by forgiving others
    bravo!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I am amazed at how many messages I received with people it resonated with.

      Delete
  14. I've always heard that forgiving someone is really more about you letting go of the hurt and putting it behind you so it doesn't keep eating you up inside. No easy feat. But it sure doesn't mean that you keep these toxic people in your life. Good for you, Ayala!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She will always be in my heart but not in my life. I forgive her but she hurt me and threatened to hurt my family.

      Delete
  15. I LOVE this. This disease runs in my family, so I'm all too familiar with the way it works.

    This is my favorite line: "I brought her in from the rain,"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I know it's a struggle and I am sorry.

      Delete
  16. Being bi-polar, I try so hard to not make those love and strangers not feel crazy themselves. There are times and people it is hard to forgive. The lst two lines are stellar

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's great that you can do that. Thank you!

      Delete
  17. I was hoping for this to be fiction, and felt sad for you when I read your explanatory note.

    ReplyDelete
  18. The last line packs a punch...so true. This is beautiful Ayala!

    ReplyDelete
  19. too sincere to be fiction - Beautiful words and reflection.

    ReplyDelete
  20. That is a heart wrenching story telling you have in here - Ayala. Have a good weekend.

    ReplyDelete