The walls are sea foam green ,
like small paint swatches at Home Depot,
unlike serene green fields.
I smell fear,
and of others in this waiting room.
lucky ones and not so lucky.
Will life become a battle or
another day to take for granted
after we forget sitting on this edge.
I hand over the red Target Visa card,
gladly paying the out of network fee.
In a corner I sit and watch,
finally sinking my head to the phone.
thinking of you,
will you remember me
by the sink washing grapes plump
and delicious for you to savor?
Will you remember our bedtime
when I showered you with kisses
and I told you that I love you from
here to the moon and back?
Will you remember my laughter when
you would tell me jokes ?
Will you remember all the things that
make up our life?
I hope that you remember that
my love will carry you always
through dark and light days,
that I will live on in your heart,
Thankfully, I am okay. But while I was sitting nervous waiting to see the specialist my doctor sent me to after having a mammogram and ultrasound I started writing this poem. Having a little scare puts things in perspective.I am blessed to have good news. My thoughts wandered to everyone else in the waiting room. I
wish them health. Please meet us here http://dversepoets.com/ where we share our thoughts and our hearts.
oh, i am glad you got good news as well..it can be so scary to face those issues and it makes you really wonder at those you would leave behind...and our own fragile life...again, very glad it was good news...smiles.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Brian. Right away my thoughts went to my family. I am grateful.Delete
Oh, man... that is sooo very scary. That happened to me once, and boy can our minds take us to dark places. I'm so glad everything's okay!!ReplyDelete
Thank you, Laurie and yes our minds can take us there....Delete
Yeah, it is nothing but scary. Glad it was good news.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Pat :)Delete
I'm so glad the news was good, ayala. My oldest sister is currently recovering from a mastectomy and she's battling bravely. This really struck a chord...could be any of us...at any time...scary.ReplyDelete
Thank you. My prayers are with your sister and your family.Delete
Happy to read its good news ~ I had my own tests/screening and the waiting can be agonizing ~ Wishing you a lovely day ~ReplyDelete
Thank you, Grace. I hope you are fine.Delete
i'm glad that the results are good ayala...you scared me a bit.. the waiting for the results can be terrible - i had a surgery once where they thought it could be cancer and i almost went mad while waiting for the results...luckily they were good as wellReplyDelete
Thank you, Claudia. I am so happy that you were fine :)Delete
Glad it was good news, A...Life is put on hold, isn't it...whew! ~jackie~ReplyDelete
Thank you, Jackie. :)Delete
Nicely done, lots of different things went through my head.>KBReplyDelete
Thank you, KB. :)Delete
Beautifully done, and I'm pleased it is good news.ReplyDelete
Thank you kindly :)Delete
oh, thankfully it's good news.ReplyDelete
what a beautiful result sprung from a defining moment in life.
i am glad you are okay.
Thank you, Miriam. I appreciate it.Delete
Love those good news. But you describe that waiting in a very haunting way.. My hand started sweating and I was there in that roomReplyDelete
aww thank you so much.Delete
Thankfully a good news. Bless you and could connect with the emotions that would have had you in those moments waiting and waiting.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Akila. :)Delete
okay let's try this again... I had the same thing happen and its so scary! I empathize and am so glad that you had good news. Excellent poem, heartfelt and poignant.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Sara. It's scary....happy you were okay.Delete
Yes, Ayala, those kind of scares will really make you think, and I'm not surprised to see your thoughts going to your children and family--who will never ever forget you or your love, I'm quite sure. The grapes almost made me cry--so true, that life is made up of moments like that. Glad you are okay!ReplyDelete
Thank you, Joy Ann. I thought of all of them but especially my little one. I think he needs me the most. Life is made up of those moments..yes.Delete
Ah, the fear of the unknown...thankfully, most of the time it remains only fear from the moment...and for those whose lives it turns into a nightmare, my prayers and heartfelt wishes...ReplyDelete
Thank you, M.J. :)Delete
I understand exactly why you wrote this poem. I have been in this kind of position a time or two myself. We want to be assured that those we love will remember us & that we mattered. I do think it is good to have a little 'shaking up' at times, but hard really to go through such a health scare. I don't wish that on anyone, but after I am through it .. it is amazing how much MORE I appreciate life!ReplyDelete
You hit it on the nail..I don't wish for anyone to go through it...and it does make us realize the important things in our life.Delete
I am so glad that you are ok--it is kind of scary--that waiting--and the realization that we won't be here forever--hugs to you!ReplyDelete
Thank you, Audrey. xoDelete
so true the worry of a waiting room and the precious moment when we realize life and love. thank youReplyDelete
Thank you, Tracy.Delete
Yes Ayala, this certainly is a time to write and reflect isn't it... your memories, you wish to be remembered were effectively a nervously, quickly made inventory of your eternal blessings - reassuringly to be celebrated come what may - poignant and honest writing. Thank youReplyDelete
Thank you, Scott. I appreciate your thoughts here.Delete
I can totally relate to you anxiety within the words..waiting for test results can be an intense reflective moment. I am glad your results were fine. This is a reminder to enjoy precious moments in life.ReplyDelete
Yes...and thank you so much.Delete
Ayala, some writers--and YOU are one of them!--nail it every time, writing from a place deep, which ordinarily is hidden somewhere between heart and mind.ReplyDelete
Your attitude and behavior remind me of an alcoholic girl (Andrea) experiencing her final week in a treatment center. She had lost all. Everything. Job, home, children, self-respect. The counselor had just told them that only 2 out of the 30 of them would stay sober, get well.
Andrea cried...then sobbed. When asked why she cry, she responded, I'm crying for those 28 who will not make it, stay sober. Andrea recently celebrated her 28th Anniversary without a drink of alcohol.
Ayala, free of cancer! Immediately, your thoughts (that's prayers and blessings!) centered on thoe remaining in that room. Who of them is free, and who is doomed to time-consuming treatments or worse? With this lengthy comment/response, I bless YOU, Alaya, and thank you for your blogging and your life.
Steve, you are so generous with your wonderful comment. Your heart is so kind. I appreciate you sharing Andrea's story, it is inspiring. I am so happy that she made it. I appreciate how you always bring a smile on my face. Peace and Love to you my friend.Delete
So glad that your news was good and you are well! Those of us with cancer in our genetic backgrounds always worry that we will follow in our family footsteps. My mom died of advanced ovarian cancer in 1963. She was 41. I have outlived her by a number of years. In July I go for genetic testing to see if I carry the same markers for that type of cancer. God willing, the answer will be "no!"ReplyDelete
Thank you, Ginny. How devastating that your mom passed away so young, such a loss. I am so sorry. I will keep you in my prayers in July and God willing the answer will be "NO"!Delete
Such a touching display of an endearing touch for him. Reminiscences can enhance such feelings to a higher level immediately. Many can relate to this, I'm sure! Thanks for sharing ayala!ReplyDelete
Thank you, Hank.Delete
what a tender post filled with love.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Kamana :)Delete
What a scare indeed...situations like this definitely put things in perspective. I recently had my first mammogram and there's always that fear--I'm glad you are ok! Lots of loving thoughts throughout this piece Ayala.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Jen. I appreciate it.Delete
It sounds scary, we never know do we...so glad that everything is okay as always a tender and thoughtful poem!ReplyDelete
Thank you, Di. :)Delete
I am so very sorry for the agony that you experienced. The poem is filled with "you" that day. I am glad that all is well.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Liz :)Delete
It's tragic that it takes a situation like this to make us stop and think about our life and how much we take it for granted. Beautiful poem Ayala... and I am so happy to hear that you are okay!ReplyDelete
I am grateful always but I could not stop from feeling a little extra thankful. Thank you, Dana. :)Delete
Geez, Ayala, you had my stomach in an uproar. Yesterday I was in a similar situation (colonoscopy-yipee) and it does bring things home. Like you, thankfully, all is fine.ReplyDelete
I am happy that you are fine !Delete
These situations do make us think and stop us taking life for granted. I was hugely relieved to hear you're okay.ReplyDelete
Thank you kindly :)Delete
So personal and intensely moving. It sometimes takes the fear of losing everything to prompt this kind of recognition of the redeeming power of love. A truly inspiring and poignant poem Ayala.ReplyDelete
Thank you, James. :) I was not thinking of myself..I was thinking of my children and my husband.Delete
...death is one scary thing... but life is scarier... most of us didn't recognize it for our fears are greater on the former than on the latter... but then i am very glad you are still here with us to count memories, love, hope, inspirations & happiness... you're blessed... smiles...ReplyDelete
Thank you, Kelvin. I am glad I am here to scatter a little sunshine to everyone....Delete
For some reason I fear those news about a loved one, someone other than me. Fear for my own sake, or awaiting for results, I feel more powerless and empty. I'm glad what you received was good news; it is these on-the-edge moments that define our relationship with life. Thanks for the read!ReplyDelete
Me too...I was not thinking of me..I was thinking of my sons and my husband .Thank you.Delete
Ayala, I have been there myself. You did well expressing your feelings here. I am glad you are doing good.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Pamela :)Delete
So glad you're a-ok! You're right, though-- a little fear *is* good for the poetry. :)ReplyDelete
Thank you, Joanna. :)Delete
oh, i have been here before. you wrote it well. so glad you were blessed with good news.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Leslie. Thinking of you.Delete
All those memories converge at times like that. Love the image of you washing grapes.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Colleen...something I do often :)Delete
So glad everything turned out okay. Yes, waiting rooms can get your mind going a hundred miles an hour. Nice write, Ayala!ReplyDelete
Thank you, Charles. :)Delete
Glad you're OK, Ayala. I had a major scare just over a year ago. You've captured the sense of foreboding that is the experience of many in the waiting room.ReplyDelete
Thank you and I am happy you are well.Delete
I am so grateful that you have positive news.ReplyDelete
We often sat in those noisy and quiet waiting rooms when my Dad was sick. The anxiety and fear swirl together. Often, the cloud of hope is hanging overhead.
I know, Rudri. I am sorry. Thank you for your good wishes.Delete
Wow what a power-packed poem. Is it not true that in those moments where we stand face to face with mortality that we wonder...will I be remembered? You will be. But I am grateful that you are fine and the treat is far away.ReplyDelete
Thank you so much. It's the thought process that wonders if they will be okay and will I be remembered....Delete
good news. you captured this caring moment so well. there was slowness and seriousness to this that made every word meaningful.ReplyDelete
Thank you dear Ed.Delete
when confronted writing is the best thing to do , i like this as it conveys so much and all the best to you AyalaReplyDelete
Thank you, Chris. I appreciate it.Delete
From the contrast of the green walls to the green grass, thru the Target card out of network and then finishing with some very tender and delicate emotions with words to match. Reminds me of similar experiences, and really communicated a serious exploration of those emotions.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Todd. I wrote while I was waiting on my phone...it spilled out.Delete
These experiences are so difficult. You describe it very well. Glad you are okay.ReplyDelete
This is Manicddaily -but on a mobile device and so using blogger ID. k.
Thank you, Karin.Delete
dearest Ayala ... hugs ... a very touching piece ... It can get scary ... I am so happy it's good news in the end my dear. stay well and smiling.ReplyDelete
Thank you my dear friend. xoDelete
Nice photo and Very interesting posts. Thank for so much. I love it very much and will recommend it to all of my friend. I would also like to invite you to visit my blog at http://1newbornbabyclothing.blogspot.com/ and share all the baby thing with you.ReplyDelete
Thank you so much.Delete
I'm so glad you're ok! It's always such a nervous time when we have to wait for such news isn't it??ReplyDelete
Thank you, Keith. Yes indeed.Delete
I'm glad to know you're fine. You're right, scares like that one puts things in perspective.ReplyDelete
Greetings from London.
Thank you! :)Delete
Glad you are doing okay -- you had me worried there at first! :)ReplyDelete
Thank you my friend. Long time..I hope all is well with you.Delete