Sun Kissed Days

Sun Kissed Days

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

True To Myself





Grief tastes like bitter tea leaves,
floating in sewer water.
Grief tastes like limoncello 
I drank when my dad died.
In my head,
silence is loud,
screaming,
roaring.
In my head,
noise is silent,
gagged,
still.
This invisible bubble between us,
I don't want to swim in these waters filled with misery.
To be honest being grateful does not make this
task easier,
I am human and I am flawed,
I need to feel the storm sweeping 
me away inside my head,
leaving an imprint on my soul.
I need to stand still and acknowledge
it and welcome it,
I need to feel.
I do not mean to cause you more pain,
I do not mean to linger,
I just need to be true to myself.
I remember when my mom was sick,
and dying,
I came to you depleted, 
you held me,
our eyes interlocked,
I inhaled your breath as you inhaled my sorrow.
We've been here before,
this part of life,
facing that we have no control.
Life fragile,
pain is pain,
and there is no sequel.
I do not mean to cause you any pain,
I do not mean to linger,
I just need to be true to myself.



Please join us here, http://dversepoets.com/ where we share our thoughts and our hearts.

100 comments:

  1. Yes. So often these days we are told that we need to be happy, that sadness has no place in life. Sadness is just as valid as happiness. Grief is necessary. And it is different for all of us.
    Be true to yourself. Linger where you find solace. xoxo

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    1. Thank you, Kelly. True sadness is huts as valid as happiness. I will be true. Xoxo

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  2. The taste of grief...love how you write this. Feeling it ayala, well done.

    "I need to feel the storm sweeping
    me away inside my head,
    leaving an imprint on my soul.
    I need to stand still and acknowledge
    it and welcome it,
    I need to feel."

    Yes.

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  3. being true to ourselves is ultimately the best we can do....and unfortunately sometimes we will inadvertantly cause pain to other...i am glad they were there for you though as you walk through it....we do that when we really care...

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    1. Thank you, Brian. Being true to ourselves is the only way......sadly at times it means hurting our loved ones even if we don't mean to.

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  4. We must be true to ourselves in happiness and in grief....I wish for you comfort and peace Ayala.

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  5. Being true to ourselves is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves and, others. We all grieve differently too, and it's so nice to have a shoulder to lean on at times. This is so deeply touching.

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    1. Thank you, Bren. Good to have someone to share it with....

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  6. This is really powerful, Ayala, the way you reflect on the painful truths of change and loss. This line especially sticks with me:

    "I came to you depleted,
    you held me,
    our eyes interlocked,
    I inhaled your breath as you inhaled my sorrow."

    If only all people in pain had someone to breathe with.

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    1. Thank you, Kristen. So good to have someone to breathe with. xoxo

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  7. This is really powerful and moving.

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  8. Tears in my eyes. Wonderful. And true.

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  9. Sorrow and grief are indeed true parts of us, ayala, and denying them only makes them harder to bear. Glad you could write this--it is a light into a dark place.

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    1. Thank you, Joy. It is a dark place....

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  10. So heartfelt, Ayala. I somehow believe life is made even more beautiful by grief, by the realization of impending loss, by its fragility. Our dogs live such brief lives compared to our own. They are so precious.

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    1. Thank you, Victoria. They are so precious...they love unconditionally.

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  11. Grief is like that... Sending big hugs your way.

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  12. Your opening lines are specially beautiful ~ Heartfelt write ~

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  13. Ayala, I understand exactly what you are saying. You need to be true to yourself and your grieving process. I grieved greatly when two former dogs died. I think the hardest thing is that some people do not understand....thinking them only dogs rather than family members. I underststand and am sad with you.

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    1. Thank you, Mary. Those that have not experienced the love of a dog ...it's hard for them to understand.

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  14. Ayala, I am so sorry for your loss. A very strong write in such a dark time for you. Truly heartbreaking, sending you hugs from south of the border.

    Pamela

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    1. Thank you, Pamela. I was swept away in this feeling....

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  15. oh i feel your heart in this ayala.. and i agree.. it's important to be true to ourselves.. so take your time to mourn...

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  16. Nothing compares to grief, yet you have illuminated its searing qualities. This feels heart-filled, soul-felt. Blessings to you...

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  17. What a wonderful gift we have, a place like our blogs to come and share our happiness, our fun...and our sorrow, sadness, grief.

    After 4½ years of blogging I have found only one to be judgmentally cruel to me. Peeps ARE here who understand, who care, who offer counsel, love, and sympathy.

    Last week I had unwittingly written something to you completely inappropriate...and wanted to cry (grown men don't cry, and that's a lie!) when I learned of your loss.

    Last night as I lay down to sleep, my kitty curled up around my neck, purring his loving "goodnight". My final thought was, How will I go to sleep when one day his nightly tender attentions are no more? Daily, we have our understandings which are unknown to others here.

    Good night Dear Ayala. If you can, sleep the sleep of the Peaceful, knowing that your loving puppy friend will be waiting for you one day..hopefully, that is in God's Plan!
    Steve, (who is feeling your sadness tonight....)

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    1. Dear Steve,
      We are blessed to have this space and the love of others here. Because I do feel the love from all of you. I appreciate your sympathy and that you cried for my bad news, thanks my friend. Don't worry about inappropriate comment because I know where your heart is. Thank you so much for thinking such sweet thoughts and I feel your support. I hope your kitty is with you for a long long time. xoxo

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    2. How sweet, consoling and understanding your words here. And YOU are the grieving one.
      Anyway.....Thank you.
      PEACE!

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    3. Thank you, Steve. Peace to you my friend.

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  18. Grief leaves indelible impressions, but these are soon filled by wonderful memories.

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    1. Thank you, Steve. I appreciate it.

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  19. You are brave to allow yourself to choose to feel the pain. So many people in their grief run the other way, do whatever they can to keep from letting the feelings and emotions catch them. It's harder at first to let yourself go there, but it's healthier for you and your loved ones in the long run.

    Your use of "limoncello" was brilliant. Taking something that takes so sweet and using it as a reminder of something so sour.

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    1. Thank you, CM. I always take the hard way but what feels right to me. I agree that it's the healthier way...xo

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  20. bare and true. this is beautifully worded.

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  21. The beginning was especially strong for me too - your feeling of grief palpable. k.

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  22. the repetition of lines here reinforces the overwhelmingness of grief; there is such terrible raw sadness in this.

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    1. That's how I feel raw sadness.....

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  23. being true to ourselves means to acknowledge sadness and take time to grieve, we tend to ignore that in the constant pursuit of happiness ...beautifully written and touching verse...wishing you peace and strength

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  24. Let yourself feel the pain, you can be grateful and lost at the same time. It's ok and it means you loved her.

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    1. Thank you, Lauren. You said it well...and I did and I will always love her. xo

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  25. Searingly honest; I feel the intensity of the emotion.

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  26. One has to be true, the worst person to lie to is you.

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  27. Awesome write, Ayala. I believe we must feel our pain, grief, and sorrow. And once we have, we are able to move on. You express this well.

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  28. Lovely piece, Ayala. The opening is so delicate and carefully phrased. Honest and heartfelt, I believe this is the only way to heal. Love the exchange of breath and sorrow. Wish you well. ♥

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    1. Thank you, Archna. I appreciate your thoughts here.

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  29. "Pain is pain, and there is no sequel." Awesome lines !!!

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  30. Wow, this is a powerful poem. So well written, the tastes are still in my mouth, grief is bitter. Love that line "I inhaled your breath as you inhaled my sorrow" excellent!

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  31. What a lovely poem, so true and sad. But you're right - pain has no sequel. It's new each time. You really capture the depth of the feeling. Really good writing.

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  32. I do not mean to cause you more pain,
    I do not mean to linger,
    I just need to be true to myself

    Sometimes one's intentions can be misconstrued when we meant well. We search ourselves so that we can be nice to people! Nice thoughts ayala!

    Hank

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  33. Grief often stifles and confuses us. You are expressing it wonderfully. Be true to yourself and your heart.

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    1. I smiled at Daisy when I came to your page. Daisy smiled back *hug*

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    2. Thank you, Beth. Daisy greets us with a smile :) Hugs.

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    3. Beth, in my life I have always been true to my heart ...whether right or wrong. xo

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  34. This is special...an emotive piece love, my heart felt this xox

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  35. How thoughtful, powerful, even painful. Plain GOOD


    Warm Aloha from Honolulu
    Comfort Spiral

    > < } } ( ° >

    > < } } (°>

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  36. Powerfully sad and honest! We must always remain true to ourselves.

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  37. Oh Ayala, this made me weep, beautiful and true.

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    1. Thank you, Anna. You are sweet.....

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  38. This is a really moving poem. I'm not quite ready to face that moment (and shouldn't have to soon) but am already trying to prepare myself mentally. xoxo

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    1. Thanks Rachel...I hope you don't have to for a long long time. xoxo

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  39. I'm sorry for the grief you are feeling right now, but I am thankful you have loved ones to share in the grief. I can really feel the heaviness throughout your poem, but I am thankful you are standing firm in who you are :)

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  40. Loss leaves us with such a void, an emptiness that seems only tears can fill. Beautiful poem.

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  41. Wow, this is sharing on another level. Well done, Ayala.

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  42. just wanted to wish you a wonderful weekend ayala

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    1. I hope you are loving every moment of your trip. Thank you.

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  43. Being true to yourself is a gift many never access. good for you, Ayala.

    xoxo

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  44. Being true to yourself is a gift many never access. good for you, Ayala.

    xoxo

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  45. Many of these words resonated with me Ayala. I'm sending you hugs and wishing you healing as you deal with your grief. Love to you my friend.

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    1. Thank you, Rudri. After reading your post today, I know you are going through pain, I am sorry. Hugs and love to you my dear.

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