Life

My son is in medical school. This week he begins a three week clerkship of Obstetrics followed by three weeks of Gynecology . I am amazed that he will deliver babies during this period. He will encounter parents that will be forever changed by the miracle of creating a life. What a wonderful experience to witness the ultimate celebration of life. It also occurs to me that he will also encounter those parents to be that don't wish to be parents. He will  be there for both. Such is life. It is not always black or white. There are always shades of gray. I hope that he will be inspired through it all. I hope that he will be moved. I hope as he observes he feels the wonder that life is.

A work in progress

The weeks blur into months. The months into years.  I saw a high school friend today. We found each other a few months ago. We had lost touch all those years. We were close friends. We would confide in each other and share our life over the phone.  Now I try to remember why we had  ceased to talk. Life and responsibilities I suppose.  There is something about a childhood friendship that remains strong. There is no polite conversation.
There are no walls. There are no barriers. There is a unspoken understanding. There is a trust. We spoke today of things that were unknown to us when we were young. We spoke about life and about death. We spoke about our children with a sense of pride. We spoke about what it means to lose your parents and watching them die.
We were once carefree. Now we  have lived and so we know things that we thought that we knew then. We learned many lessons. The difference is that now we know that we are a work in progress. There is still so much to learn.

Finding my Zen

A part of me

I have letters in a box. Old tattered letters.  Letters my grandmother wrote to my father. I remember seeing them a few weeks before he died.  I noticed them on the dresser and I identified the handwriting. I  said "those are grandmother's letters !". He  said  "yes, they will go with me till the grave."  Tears wallowed in his eyes.
"I still miss her" he added. It had been years . I shared his sadness in that moment. Today I am thinking of my dad. He is a part of me. I miss him so . I can barely  breathe. There are things that he left behind. Things that mean so much because he loved them. There are pieces of my life and his life all around me. I think of how he felt losing  his mom and I understand. The pain is there so deep. He will always be a part of me till the day I die.

Fourth Grade Council

Today Daniel was voted by his peers to be a part of fourth grade council. He along with a girl in his class were chosen. They had received equal votes. Once a month they will have meetings. Daniel said that on the days when they will have  meetings they will wear red shirts. The red shirts will distinguish them as part of the school council. Daniel was not certain what it all entails but in his voice I heard the sound of excitement. In the way he walked I could feel his sense of pride.

Daisy

My yellow Labrador Retriever is nine and a half years old. She is playful. She is loving. She is beautiful.  Lately I have noticed that her blond hairs are turning white. I  felt a quiet alarm. This morning Daisy's leg slipped. My stomach felt like a bottomless pit. I felt ill. I felt like I had just come off a roller coaster ride. This was the first sign that we had when Angel out German  short hair pointer began to deteriorate. It started with her leg slipping. Months followed of nursing her and struggling to maintain a quality of life for her. Daisy was sad when Angel passed. The change was obvious to us. She hid in a dark room at dinner time. She didn't wait for her treats. She was not hungry. Slowly she felt better and her sadness lifted. She is a happy dog. She greets me every day as she greets a new day with her tail wagging. I want to believe that her leg slipping was accidental. I want to believe that it won't happen again for a long time. I don't want to think about her falling ill. I don't want to think about saying good-bye.

Success

The sounds of Kung Fu were in the air. Graceful bodies floating. Graceful bodies soaring. Today  Daniel achieved his goal. He passed the testing for the two levels he has been training for. On the way home he said, "my shirt smells like sweat and hard work." He received his first staff. I looked on with pride. I thought to myself there he goes my sweet warrior on his wonderful journey.